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In your negotiations, do you consider the affinity principal’s hidden value to winning more negotiations? Are you familiar with the affinity principal, understand its power, and how it can captivate someone’s devotion, and have them acting like your automaton? If you’d like to understand how to use this powerful silent source of persuasion, read on!

Affinity Principal:

In a negotiation, the affinity principal factor is invoked when someone has a degree of appreciation and/or affection for the opposing negotiator. The reason for such emotions can be either known or unknown by the receiver, per the feelings they possess. It’s akin to feeling good about being in that person’s presence. Part of the reason that such good feelings are experienced is due to the level of oxytocin released in the brain of the receiver while in the presence of the initiator. That good feeling is attributed to the initiator and the receiver wants to experience more of that good feeling and will seek to please the initiator to do so.

The Role of Likeability in the Affinity Principal:

People like people that are like themselves. Thus, in a negotiation to enhance the affinity principal, you must be liked by the other negotiator. This can occur via body language signals you send (i.e. smiling, nodding in the affirmative when appropriate, given the other negotiator the proper space, etc.), and by displaying a pleasant demeanor as you engage in the negotiation. Suffice it to say, the more likeable you’re perceived as being, the more grace you’ll be given when/if you encounter challenging times in the negotiation.

The Role Perception Plays in Likeability and Truthfulness:

During a negotiation, silent signals are conveyed, received, and misperceived. Therefore, a good negotiator is always very attuned to body language signals sensed during the negotiation. By synchronizing your words with the appropriate body language gestures, your words take on a more consistent meaning, which enhances the perception of the truthfulness of your words. Even if you state that you’re not in agreement with one aspect of the negotiation, by being consistent with your words and body language, you’ll still maintain more likeability and believability than what would otherwise be the case. Thus, if your words are not aligned with what’s expected to be seen by your body language at such times, your words will be viewed with possible apprehension and you’ll decrease the opportunity to enhance your likeability.

Perceived Knowledge and Ability to Deliver:

You can be the greatest negotiator in the world, with the highest levels of likeability, and if you’re perceived as lacking knowledge per what you’re negotiating for or the ability to deliver, you won’t be trusted. You’ll be liked, but you may hit an invisible wall and not know why such has occurred.

To enhance the affinity principal, you must be perceived as being knowledgeable about what you’re negotiating for and be believed per being able to deliver on what the outcome might be. If either of those factors are missing or called into suspect, your negotiation deal can fall by the wayside.

The Value of Saying, “I’m Sorry” – Showing Humility:

Someone once said, sorry is a sorrowful word. It was meant to convey disdain. In a negotiation, saying you’re sorrow for some perceived aggression humanizes you. Since we all make mistakes, apologizing for a perceived depravity will endear you to the other negotiator and make you all the more likeable, while enhancing the affinity principal.

To win more negotiations, consider the value of the affinity principal. Use it appropriately and your affinity factor, along with your negotiation win rates will soar… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

It is my cousin Lisa’s birthday on the 24th of this month and it took me five days to decide on what to give her. She is like my dear younger sister because we grew up together. We are also neighbors that are why we are very close to each other because she always comes over to my house and we do stuffs together like studying, cooking, chatting, etc. I just could not believe she is turning eighteen this month. It is just like yesterday when she still played with her Barbie dolls but now she likes to go out on a date with guys her age already which is pretty normal. Funny isn’t it? But I guess that is just life. And anyway, I went to the mall yesterday and bought her a brand new pair of pink converse boots.

For weeks, I saved my allowance just so I could buy a present for her. Being a student is tough because financially speaking you is still dependent on your parents and you cannot do something about it. Yes, part time jobs sometimes can help you with money but your salary is still not enough to prove to them that you can do it on your own. When I was sixteen, I told my father that I wanted to get an apartment for myself and live independently. He just laughed at what I said so I just forgot all about it. I guess I will just wait until I graduate from college.

With Lisa, I acted like her older sister because I am three years older than her. Her mother is a journalist and her job requires her to travel a lot. Her dad does the “mother” job most of the time. She loves fashion just like girls her age and one time I saw her drool over a pair of converse boots worn by a model in the magazine. That was when I decided to buy her that as a birthday present.

To end the story, as expected I am kind of broke now and I ruined my own surprise present for her. She came to my house this morning and unfortunately I was unable to hide the paper bag that contained the boots. When she saw the bag, she opened it and I saw the look on her face as she drooled over her birthday present just like the first time I saw her with the same reaction over those boots in the magazine. I did not need to explain anymore because she knew that the pink converse boots are definitely for her.