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Have you realize that most people hate their 9-to-5 jobs? I’m sure you have and this is a common trait with most individuals who get up, and decide to go to work in the morning to pay their bills and make a living. Look there is nothing wrong with this… having a job is a part of life. But also understand that one of your main goals should be to work for yourself and create your own income and not have to depend on the power of a boss.

When you begin starting a business online you put yourself in the position to make this all happen. A reason why people fail at this is because they are not self-motivated. They do not get up in the morning and put the work that needs to be done to make their computer business run. This business is not going to just run on autopilot… it may when you get the hang of it but at first you’re going to have to build a foundation in order to see everything come together.

I find it very amusing when people complain about their jobs but then do nothing to solve the problem. They just work longer hours and demand more pay. That is not going to solve the problems at all and you must understand that as well. What you are going to have to do is take a stand right now and make a decision. After you make that decision you must stick behind it.

There are no secrets and no special strings here… all it takes is action. If you can do this then you can take your first steps to starting a real business on the Internet. It’s going to be a fun journey as long as you make it that way.

In your negotiations, do you consider the affinity principal’s hidden value to winning more negotiations? Are you familiar with the affinity principal, understand its power, and how it can captivate someone’s devotion, and have them acting like your automaton? If you’d like to understand how to use this powerful silent source of persuasion, read on!

Affinity Principal:

In a negotiation, the affinity principal factor is invoked when someone has a degree of appreciation and/or affection for the opposing negotiator. The reason for such emotions can be either known or unknown by the receiver, per the feelings they possess. It’s akin to feeling good about being in that person’s presence. Part of the reason that such good feelings are experienced is due to the level of oxytocin released in the brain of the receiver while in the presence of the initiator. That good feeling is attributed to the initiator and the receiver wants to experience more of that good feeling and will seek to please the initiator to do so.

The Role of Likeability in the Affinity Principal:

People like people that are like themselves. Thus, in a negotiation to enhance the affinity principal, you must be liked by the other negotiator. This can occur via body language signals you send (i.e. smiling, nodding in the affirmative when appropriate, given the other negotiator the proper space, etc.), and by displaying a pleasant demeanor as you engage in the negotiation. Suffice it to say, the more likeable you’re perceived as being, the more grace you’ll be given when/if you encounter challenging times in the negotiation.

The Role Perception Plays in Likeability and Truthfulness:

During a negotiation, silent signals are conveyed, received, and misperceived. Therefore, a good negotiator is always very attuned to body language signals sensed during the negotiation. By synchronizing your words with the appropriate body language gestures, your words take on a more consistent meaning, which enhances the perception of the truthfulness of your words. Even if you state that you’re not in agreement with one aspect of the negotiation, by being consistent with your words and body language, you’ll still maintain more likeability and believability than what would otherwise be the case. Thus, if your words are not aligned with what’s expected to be seen by your body language at such times, your words will be viewed with possible apprehension and you’ll decrease the opportunity to enhance your likeability.

Perceived Knowledge and Ability to Deliver:

You can be the greatest negotiator in the world, with the highest levels of likeability, and if you’re perceived as lacking knowledge per what you’re negotiating for or the ability to deliver, you won’t be trusted. You’ll be liked, but you may hit an invisible wall and not know why such has occurred.

To enhance the affinity principal, you must be perceived as being knowledgeable about what you’re negotiating for and be believed per being able to deliver on what the outcome might be. If either of those factors are missing or called into suspect, your negotiation deal can fall by the wayside.

The Value of Saying, “I’m Sorry” – Showing Humility:

Someone once said, sorry is a sorrowful word. It was meant to convey disdain. In a negotiation, saying you’re sorrow for some perceived aggression humanizes you. Since we all make mistakes, apologizing for a perceived depravity will endear you to the other negotiator and make you all the more likeable, while enhancing the affinity principal.

To win more negotiations, consider the value of the affinity principal. Use it appropriately and your affinity factor, along with your negotiation win rates will soar… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

Screaming, yelling, ranting, raving, cursing, throwing items across the table, hanging up the phone in your ear … Many of us have difficulty with negotiators who do these things.

These outrageous behaviors can shake us up, intimidate, scare, or upset us.

Why? The most common explanation is that our fight-flight response is evoked. Fighting rarely gets us moving toward a meaningful agreement. Fright can cause us to make compromises or give concessions we would otherwise never entertain.

Why Do They Do It?

Why do some negotiators rely on outrageous behavior to get their way? Because they can … or because they have in the past.

But, we don’t have to allow this behavior to cause us to give in.

Feigned Emotion

Some negotiators act as if they are emotionally upset when they really are not.

Usually, this negotiator is the sophisticated, high level, manipulator who is looking for an advantage. His intention is calculated. The results sought are pre-planned.

Tantrum Behavior

The overwhelming majority of screamers are just stuck in a tantrum behavior pattern. As a child, they threw tantrums and got what they wanted. As an adolescent, they pressed the bounds of behavior. As an adult, they just act like big babies who must have what they want!

What Can We Do?

Whether the outrageous behavior is fake or real, we can deal with it without making serious compromises.

Silence is first. Not engaging a screamer … letting the screamer go uninterrupted works many times. Some negotiators simply want to be heard. Genuinely upset, some negotiators become quite compliant after they have vented. In fact, sometimes the boomerang effect can set in … that is, a screamer after venting will accept whatever is offered, and may even give more than expected.

Avoid Taunts. Many times we fall into taunting behavior as a defense, “Are you finished?” … “Yell a little louder!” … “Who do you think you are talking to?” These responses do not help. We must avoid these taunts, secure in the knowledge that our objective of a negotiated agreement is primary. Mirror Behavior. This probably sounds contradictory (and probably is) but sometimes shouting back can be the answer. This technique has limited utility but when effective is best used as an out of character response. People who almost never yell can use mirroring effectively on really important issues.

Feel, Felt, Found. The feel, felt, found technique works well with outrageous behavior because at its core, this technique seems to validate the unaccepted behavior … and then provides enlightenment. Feel … “I understand how you feel.” This is the validation or commiseration phase. Felt … “Many people in your position would have felt the same way.” This is the generalization phase. Your irate counterpart is in league with many other (ill-informed) people. Found. “But understanding … (Point A, B, C) … most people have found our position is quite reasonable.” The A, B, and C are the features, benefits, and additional appeals that support our position.

Positive Outrageous Behavior. Give them a reason to laugh. Goofy behavior, funny statements, and strange responses that cause laughter can many times disarm the worst tantrum behavior pattern.

Good luck dealing with difficult negotiators … we all need it!

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